How to Apologize to Anyone (Even Someone Who Hates You)

Making amends with people can be hard, especially when you are apologizing to someone that isn’t your biggest fan. It can feel awkward and embarrassing to ask for forgiveness for someone who seemingly hates you, but the reality is that if you haven’t already experienced this, someone you know has.

Apologizing is a tedious task and is often something that people approach with intention and care. However, if the person involved isn’t your friend or family member, you might be lost on how to approach the situation from the get go.

So, how do you apologize to someone who hates you? The best way to apologize to someone who you think hates you is to acknowledge what you’ve done and take full responsibility for how it affected the other person (including hurt or injury) while expecting no specific outcome from your apology.

Some people might be in an altercation with someone that they’re not on good terms with and assume that there’s no point in apologizing when they’re in the wrong. It’s always the right thing to do to take responsibility for your actions.

However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should expect a certain outcome because you said apologized.

How to Apologize to Someone Who Won’t Forgive You

If you haven’t already been in this type of situation, at some point, you probably will. The reality is, not everyone you apologize to will accept your apology. There will be people who you’ve done wrong to that will refuse to reconcile with you.

Maybe you’ve even gone above and beyond to say you were sorry and they refuse to accept your apology. For whatever reason, you have to accept their response and know that it’s okay.

If you sense that the person you’re approaching is likely to deem you unforgivable, you should be careful not to go into it judging the success of your apology by the level of their response.

The act of apologizing is not just for the other person or people involved but also for you. If you have a guilty conscience especially, you can know that you’ve attempted to make things right on your end by admitting to your wrongdoing.

Assuming that you have apologized in person, over the phone, it might be hard to hear their rejection at first. However, the best thing to do is to stay calm and not react in a way that could cause a further altercation.

The bottom line is, as long as you are genuine in your apology, you shouldn’t feel guilty if someone chooses not to accept it. There could be many reasons why they react the way they do, but their response is something that you cannot control. Depending on the situation, it might take time for the person to heal and come around or they may never come around.

How to Apologize to Someone Who Won’t Talk to You

When we think of an apology, we often assume that it’s done in a conversational setting. However, if someone won’t talk to you, then you might find it extremely difficult to effectively apologize.

There are plenty of ways to extend an olive branch if it simply cannot be done in person. Three of the best options that come to mind are to write a letter, leave a voicemail, or if the person is on the younger side, leave a thoughtful text message.

If you try to talk to someone in person and they blatantly ignore you, you might automatically freeze and not know what to do. The same goes if you try to call someone’s phone and they refuse to answer.

The first great way to apologize to someone like this is to send them a letter. This way, they are most likely going to read it, even if they don’t respond. It’s also a great opportunity for you to really think about what you want to say, especially if you’re someone like me, who is better at conveying their feelings through written words rather than spoken ones.

Another way is to leave them a voicemail. Voicemails might seem old fashioned, but if the person won’t answer the phone, this allows you to still leave them a message that they can choose to respond or not to respond to.

Lastly, if none of these avenues seem appealing for the situation at hand, you can certainly send a well thought-out text message to the person you need to apologize to. Be sure to make sure there are no grammar mistakes and that it looks like you put time into your words. Certainly the least formal route, but definitely a viable option if all else fails.

How to Apologize to Someone That You Hurt

Everyone on the face of the earth has hurt someone or made a mistake before. It’s totally normal that sometimes we’ll do something or say something we regret. The important thing is that you take responsibility for your actions and that you take steps to reconcile with the person you have hurt.

The biggest thing to keep in mind when apologizing to someone you have hurt is to approach the situation with an attitude of humility. By approaching the person with a sense of remorse, you convey the message that you are truly sorry for whatever you have done.

However, if you have hurt someone in a really bad way, it might take time for the person to show signs of forgiveness. In this time period, it might be easy to assume that the relationship with that person is beyond the point of fixing, but if that relationship is meant to be then I’ve learned that working to earn the trust of the person once again is definitely possible.

We’ve all heard it before that it will take time to heal from an injury so don’t rush this process of allowing time to do its thing. Sometimes it can take years (I’ve seen and experienced this myself) for things to settle down and for people to forgive one another.

How to Apologize to a Girl Who Hates You

If one of the girls in your life seems to want nothing to do with you, it can be extremely stressful. I’ve learned that drama between girls can seem like the end of the world and can often be extremely complicated.

The best way to handle an apology in this context is to determine the quality of your previous relationship with this person.

IMPORTANT: Apologies aren’t always the right thing: Don’t mistake the coercive idea that you “need to apologize” if the person you are/were in a relationship with is abusive. Read my article on dealing with abusive people and how to set appropriate boundaries.

Let’s say that the girl who currently hates you was your best friend and they have a legitimate complaint about your behavior.

Your apology should be really genuine and sincere, assuming that this is a relationship you value and want to restore. However, if the girl is someone who has always been your least favorite fan, you might not go into your act of apologizing with the end goal of friendship.

Approach the relationships you value with care. Apologize as soon you see the opportunity. Call them, stop by their house, or write a letter. The longer you wait to present your olive branch, the worse their hatred for you may grow.

How to Apologize to a Guy Who Hates You

Although not every guy is the same, I’ve had many experiences that have shown me that apologizing to a guy you aren’t on good terms with isn’t as complicated as sticky girl drama. However, it can still be just as stressful. I’ve seen guys get into a fistfight one day and play basketball the next.

Like apologizing to a girl that hates you, you should assess how much you value the relationship with the guy. As mentioned above, abusive relationships are a whole different ball game. -Read my article on this here

There’s a big difference between how much emphasis you should put into trying to restore a relationship with a guy that was just an acquaintance versus someone you are/were very close with.

That doesn’t mean that you should not apologize to people that don’t mean as much to you, but it does mean that you shouldn’t stress yourself out if your apology is not reciprocated.

I’ve done A LOT of apologizing myself…to too many guys. Ugh. Many of these apologies didn’t happen until years later after I had taken a personal development seminar.

There were things that I had to really reconcile with myself, put on my big girl panties and call them. I had to be clear on what was mine to own 100%. Sure it’s so much easier to blame the other person and there’s no growth in that.

One, in particular, I had to talk to a mutual friend, so I can get ex’s number and she had to get permission to give his number to me. We set up a time to have a call. It was probably one of the most important conversations I’ve had with anyone.

I think that took about seven years to happen and the outcome was way better than I had anticipated. The important thing is that you put in the effort, but you should not put yourself in a position to where you base your self-esteem or quality of your day on if someone chooses to forgive you or not.

At the end of the day, a genuine apology and changed behavior are still all you are able to give. Sometimes it takes time for people to come around, and sometimes they never do.

However, you should always keep your head up. As long as you have made amends on your end, forgive yourself and move forward.

Kat Clukey

I am so glad you are here, and have chosen to spend your time reading my blog. I'm a Life Coach through the Procter Gallagher Institute . Since 2013, I have been on an intense mission to read books, go to seminars, and generally turn myself inside out to find out why some people seem to feel good in their own skin while I've struggled with self-worth and low self-esteem most of my adult life. I hope you find insights that help you on your journey!

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