Do you want to find love, improve your circumstances, make your life easier? Recently, I posted about being a role model, being the best version of yourself, making sure your relationships are good, and today I want to talk about becoming your ideal self, letting go of anger, and introducing YOU 2.0 to all of your relationships. I’ve spent years researching this (I’m still learning), but I will condense what I’ve researched down into what I think the most valuable things are for anyone to become a better person.
So, how do you become a better person inside and out? Learn to love and accept yourself. Let go of anger. Be grateful. Understand that setbacks forge your refinement. Don’t seek to change anyone but yourself. Deal with the parts of your personality you like least, and recognize that you are an experience for those around you. Make a deliberate effort every day.
What’s stopping you in life? What are you afraid of?
Are you looking to become a better person capable of achieving your dreams, or do you have people in your life telling you that you need to change your ways?
This article is going to help you discover some of the greatest distinctions that have helped many others make quantum leaps in becoming a better person. In the article, my goal for you is to discover ways to make your life better. Take time to read each section carefully.
Most people skim read, assume they already know a subject, or are unknowingly close-minded to new ideas. I’ve highlighted some key ideas to help you move through the article quickly if you are pressed for time.
Keep in mind, the ideas listed in this article could change your life. Maybe one thing stands out more than anything else. Slow your mind down and quiet your thoughts.
Take the time to read through the ways I’ve listed for you below.
What does it mean to develop yourself into a better person, really?
While the list I mention below is easy to talk about but requires a lot more heart and soul to make happen, it’s important to have a clear vision of what your personal refinement looks like.
- Learn to love and accept yourself.
- Let go of anger.
- Choose faith not fear.
- Be grateful.
- Understand that setbacks forge your refinement.
- Don’t seek to change anyone but yourself.
- Deal with the parts of your personality you like least, and recognize that you are an experience for those around you.
- Make a deliberate effort every day.
What can you do right now to become a better person? Activities towards Improvement
LEARNING TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF.
I think this is one of the most over-used pieces of advice out there and like most other advice, it’s easy to brush it off at first glance.
Here is what I discovered.
You’ve got to learn to love the ugly parts of yourself that you may be ashamed of. Once you do and start sharing what those things are with others, it will make a huge difference
When I got connected to what a terrible person I was capable of being, as, I drew closer to my selfishness, and uncovered the things that I did that were self-seeking in nature, and was able to accept the ugliness of who I could be and maybe even somewhat chuckle at how “out to save my own skin” I was; love that part of myself, life got better.
The best part was that I realized that much of what I did, the “sacrifices” I thought I was making for others were just so I could either look good or benefit in the long run.
My awareness increased, and as a result fear has lost some of its grip. If you want to change your life, deal with the parts of your personality you like least; if you want to be a better friend, live a better life, have better thoughts, start by recognizing that you are an experience for those around you.
LET GO OF ANGER.
Anger is toxic. I heard someone say that holding onto anger and resentment is a bit like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. We hold onto it, and it doesn’t serve us.
As you work through the part I just mentioned about looking at your own ugly deeds and accepting yourself, you may begin to recognize that others, simply put, have the same kind of work to do on their end as well. If someone isn’t treating you right, it’s could be a part of their selfishness.
You may be able to experience compassion for others even when they are acting out of their selfishness… realizing… for as long as they are unwilling to look at what a jerk they can be (or have been), they can blame you.
Freedom can come from understanding the “psychological treadmill” all of us are on. We can spend our time blaming others or push pause on the psychological treadmill by taking responsibility for everything in our lives.
In doing so, we may stop long enough to learn something about our own anger and begin to deal with it. It may at least give us enough time to evaluate what we can and can’t control.
Once you learn this for your life and you stop blaming everyone else for all of the things that aren’t working the way you want in your life, you’ll discover freedom. Although, looking at what you have been unwilling to take ownership of in your life is a difficult journey within.
CHOOSE FAITH OVER FEAR.
I’m not sure who I heard say that it takes no more effort to have faith as than to have fear. Jesus said, if you have the faith of a mustard seed you could move mountains. At the time, the mustard seed was one of the smallest things that most would recognize in that culture. So, if faith doesn’t require any more effort, why do we stay stuck?
For me it was 2 words: Traumatic Disappointment. I’ll spare you the details, but I noticed as I dealt with more and more setbacks, I had started simply not believing that anything good could happen. Further, I found I spent my time trying to not get my hopes up so as not be disappointed.
I found myself striving for more, reaching for more, and failing over and over again. I read a book “The Science of Getting Rich” by Wallace D. Wattles.
There is a small part in the book that suggests
It isn’t up to you to make things go well. Your job is to only do what is in front of you to do. The rest will unfold, and either the thing that you are doing will flourish or lead you to the thing that there is for you to do so that you can succeed.Paraphrased Concept from the Science of Getting Rich
I don’t know why, but reading that concept on my living room sofa helped me relax. What I had in front of me were some web skills and this website, and so I continued to write, and continued to work on websites and chose not worry about what happens with any of it.
I stopped wasting as much time on asking what I “should be doing” to make a living.
What’s in front of you to do or to work on?
THE ART OF BEING GRATEFUL
Ah, the over-used term of the past decade.
For a while, I kept a “gratefulness” journal. Every morning, I woke up and wrote down what I was grateful for.
My list went something like this:
- I’m grateful for my health
- I’m grateful for my eye sight
- I’m grateful that my kitchen is clean
I just thumbed through my journal, and I honestly think it’s complete garbage. It’s an inauthentic list of what I “should” be grateful for (like I wrote it in case somebody else reads it). It is so lame!
Here’s the point.
When you are truly grateful for something, you can’t say enough about it. You may even have difficulties putting the feelings of gratefulness into words.
Gratefulness is an experience, an attitude, it’s a feeling. It’s not a list. If you have to try at it, chances are, you may be missing the point.
While I won’t argue the value of spending time daily thinking about what you are grateful for, I realize that grateful as an experience is so much different than mere words.
The problem is that in a culture that offers so much abundance, being grateful is a commodity. I speak for myself here. But feel free to accept this for yourself if you’d like, wink.
Just as fear and faith can’t occupy the same space, nor light and darkness, neither can complaining and gratefulness.
So, look at the last time you complained. What were you complaining about? What do you get together with others and complain about?
We humans love to complain. Let go of the complaints, choose to accept them. This will give you access to self improvement.
Gratitude as your foundation can help you become a greater influence in other people’s lives. As you become a greater influence (for good) in their lives, you will achieve more personally.
When was the last time you were grateful to be on the journey, playing the game of life as you are?
UNDERSTAND THAT SETBACKS FORGE YOUR REFINEMENT.
Setbacks, problems, and obstacles guide us down a path of refinement.
Being a better version of yourself means finding ways to become comfortable being uncomfortable.
When new things come your way, it’s time to embrace the refinement process. Embracing the journey, welcoming it all goes back to the last point on gratitude.
DON’T SEEK TO CHANGE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF.
It’s noble to help others, but sometimes we try to help others to avoid dealing with ourselves. It’s much easier to focus on what others are doing wrong. The first step to become better is to take the time to take care of your thoughts, actions and deliberately take ownership of your feelings.
It takes courage to start evaluating your daily routines and interactions with others. Dealing with, accepting and acknowledging your own ego is tough, it can be an elusive process. As you tackle one layer of inauthenticity at a time, you will give life to new ones that prevent you from seeing where you are still inauthentic.
Take a loose approach to this. Set a random reminder at a certain time of the day, and forget it is there. When it goes off, write down what you are thinking about, what your activities are, and how you feel.
MAKE A DELIBERATE EFFORT TO WORK ON IT EVERY DAY.
You may have heard that repetition is the mother of skill, but to be better takes focus. You will find value as you take the time to really zero in on your (this content originally produced on confidencereboot.com – if discovered anywhere else, it was copied) thoughts and well being.
I like to focus on a short statement each day, one that really resonates with me. As you discover something new that inspires you, use it as your guide to find new things and new ways to become someone else in your own eyes. Take time to develop YOU 2.0.
Do mirror work:
Here’s How: Stand in front of a mirror, get honest with yourself about how you are spending your time, what mistakes you are making, and then declare who you “really” are (the human being you’ve always wanted to be).
Evaluate whether you are living out of fear or faith.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”– Michael Jordan
Better Day by Day – How can I improve myself everyday?
The golden rule when it comes to becoming the friend, teacher, entrepreneur, loved one, and someone who inspires others, is chipping away at it every day. Your responsibility is to take deliberate action towards your overall goal to live a life that is fulfilling each day.
Don’t get caught up in trying to make giant changes quickly. Just focus on a couple of things at a time. Stay steady and advance in the direction you set out to achieve. Make sure that you remain steady. As you do the people, thoughts, and ideas will emerge and take shape to guide you down the path to the best version of yourself.
Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”– Michael Jordan
How a Mentor Can Help You Become Greater Than You Can Become on Your Own
The goal of this section in the article is to point you in the direction of where to go to find a mentor and why you need one as if I were telling a friend.
There is no shortage of online help out there. There are tons of ways we can go about finding people to help us do, be or have more. If not careful, I’ve seen many people (myself included) separated from their money chasing the idea that there is a role model out there that knows everything and you don’t.
By their fruit, you shall know them. I think the world is moving towards more authenticity. Take a guy like Gary V. for instance. What many people love about him is that he keeps it real. He lets people in on his mistakes, and he doesn’t go out of his way to hide his mistakes from his followers.
I enjoy listening to his perspective because he has comes off as a simple guy who tells people to make sure to get to work and be better one day at a time.
How authentic are you?
When it matters, can you be honest?
If there is one thing I have learned it is that people can see through our stories, self deception and lies more easily than we often think. We may just be fooling ourselves.
The fact is that we are all on a journey.
So, getting a coach or surrounding yourself with people who will call you out at any given time is not only important but necessary if you are looking to grow.
Growth doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Life doesn’t unfold like that.
We need others that will hold us accountable for our mistakes.
In my experience, someone who mentors you shouldn’t be a loved one. If they are too close, you are more likely to ignore what they suggest. Strangers who are good at what they do. The ones that are winning at life and who have what you want are a good place to start.
You might be surprised at how willing people are to help you by sharing ideas and giving you thoughts about your journey if you approach them with sincerity.
You need a mentor that will do two things for you.
- Listen to you from a place of greatness (don’t worry, I’ll explain)
- Hold you accountable
Looking back now at the times in which I’ve grown the most in life, I had friends and mentors around me; friends who listened to me as if I were already the best version of myself.
You’ve got to get your mind right to get your life right.
It’s important to remember that we are all trapped in a cycle.
- Beliefs produce thoughts.
- Thoughts produce feelings.
- Feelings produce actions and behavior.
- Actions and behavior produce results.
What does becoming a better person look like for you?
The price of being “good”
Food for thought, and worth additional research for you: Studies by Max Bazerman, Mahzarin Banaji, and Dolly Chugh on – bounded ethicality.
Who’s Voice is Telling You Should Be Better?
When it comes to becoming a better person, the first thing you need to look at is what’s driving your desire to become a better person. Are you trying to become a better person because everyone around you is telling you that you should be different than the way you are? Although people close to us typically know us and help us grow, It could also be self-serving.
If the people around you have something to gain in your becoming a better person, beware. However, if it is because they really care about you then you should listen closely.
If the only reason is that you think you should grow into a new person is because you feel like you’re not good enough, is also a danger zone.
For me, I found that I had to really go work on myself, a big part of which, was just sifting through the records of the things people had told me when I was a kid and the feeling that I could never be good enough. As I began to unpack all of those emotions, I began to see what the driving force was and why I felt like I couldn’t be the person that I was created to be.
A lot of it had to do with how I viewed success and the results that I thought I should get.
How about you?
Why are you here?
Is it because you simply aren’t getting the results that you want in life?
You aren’t making the type of money that you want?
You don’t have the type of relationships that you want?
No matter what the case the best way to discover whether you even need to think about becoming a better person is to simply look at your results.
The reality is that your results will show you what your actions are, and your actions will show you what your beliefs are. Once you can get to the core of your beliefs, you can begin to work on the things that aren’t producing the results that you want.
You may be tempted to think that you already understand this. But if you did, I would’ve said that you probably wouldn’t be reading this right now. There are certain results that you were getting in your life, that don’t serve you.
Let’s say for example that do you want a better romantic relationship. Look at your past 2 or three relationships and see if there are any common denominators. Certainly you can blame external things. However, if you take ownership of the entire relationship as if it’s all your fault, what would that show you?
How to be a better person in a relationship
For instance, if every romantic partner left under similar circumstances. Maybe, they said you weren’t ready for commitment. Maybe, they said that you weren’t mature enough. Maybe, they said you were too wishy-washy.
Each one of these things should be a good testimony to how your behaviors show up for other people. The next part of the assessment should involve you’re looking at the question: what am I doing, such that I am getting these types of results?
What would a person do in a relationship that would make someone else feel like they are wishy-washy? Maybe, your answer is that you didn’t like to make decisions. Maybe you just wanted to do what they always wanted to do. Maybe you were simply trying to make them happy.
While that might be the case, you may have also made them feel like they have to make all the decisions in the relationship. If that’s the case they may resent that. Maybe they wanted to simply sit back and let you make the decisions instead of having to think all the time.
While I am certainly oversimplifying your relationship, I hope you get my drift. What’s important to understand is that we are often disconnected to why we were doing certain things. On the one hand, we think we know ourselves. But, I would assert that we really don’t know ourselves well at all. As the old saying goes no thyself.
To really get to know yourself you have to understand what your actions are and what is really going on in your head that leads to those actions.
Note, for protection of my content, this content is written by confidencereboot.com all rights reserved and if found on any other site has been copied.
For instance, this morning I woke up angry. I could not get my alarm to snooze. I rushed out of bed. My wife asked me if I was OK.
I realize that for her that is an experience. Her experience was of me waking up angry.
How much fun would it be to wake up next to someone who wakes up angry?
People are an experience for us just as we are for them. Don’t be like a bad movie. Would you keep going to a restaurant where you keep having a bad experience?
How to be a better person to others
I think the answer to this question is more about figuring out which people in your life you should be better to in the first place.
For me, I’ve always tended to ignore the people that are my “true” friends because I’m too busy trying to get the attention of people I respect and admire.
It comes from my inauthentic people pleasing, low self-esteem. I’m seeking the approval from others so I can feel better about myself.
This is so pathetic because on the one hand I treat the people who care about me poorly, and I’m just using the people I admire to make myself feel better about me.
And of course until I was willing to look at this honestly, I just saw it as trying to “surround myself with like-minded people.” Do you see how nasty this kind of thing is?
I happened to catch a little bit of information off of a documentary of lil Peep the rapper, and one of the things I noticed is that people that were actually watching out for him as he grew in fame started pointing out that he had all these new “fair weather” friends.
As things were going well, they were there, but the question was: who was really there for him? Not because of the fame and the good fortune, rather, because they cared about him.
Take inventory of your life, and ask yourself who your friends are. You may be surprised at what you discover. Once you have determined who they are, take a real interest in them.
The bible got this one right. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Matthew 7:12
The good ole Golden Rule.
But what it means in practice is, caring for the interests of others as if they were your own. What does this look like in practice with people?
Here are a few ways:
- Develop an awareness of their interests and life
- Be loyal to them
- Protect them
- Always be aware of how your actions will affect their lives
- Think of them (ask yourself) what would it be like to be them? So, you can see through their eyes.
I need to mention something to consider when dealing with others. This is a big something and it might be a bit difficult to distinguish and figure out.
It should go without saying that doing these things simply because you want to look like you care is not friendship, it’s manipulation.
Manipulation is something that will turn others off can cost you many relationships. Be on the look out for it. We all are capable of being manipulative.
How to be a better person and be happy
This question makes my stomach turn a bit because, the question has the starting point backwards. I say the only way is to get happy, and then you will be a better person to everyone around you. Even people you don’t know will experience you in a way that makes them happier.
Here is how I see happiness. Happiness in general is about having the freedom to be who you want to be, fully self-expressed; having a sense of belonging, peace of mind, and experiencing high levels of certainty about your future and some degree of uncertainty of the moment, which serves to keep things interesting.
I’ve discovered one way to cultivate happiness is to exercise faith that you can become better.
I won’t go into a long conversation about self-actualization and happiness, as it would take too long.
But in one documentary regarding happiness, researchers looked at Danish families who lived in shared housing and each family took turns cooking meals and helping their neighbors.
The sense of belonging and support is high, and their happiness was unrivaled.
So what’s on the menu if you are looking for something that will improve your relationships with others?
In the west, where we put a lot of worth on independence and the spirit of pioneering, there is a temptation that we need other people in our life. This is probably something we need to change. We sometimes can get twisted what having other people in our life should look life. Are we sewing into the people around us?
If you have a sense of belonging already, you are well on your way to happiness. If it’s missing join a group with like minded interests, volunteer. Heck go do some personal growth, wink. I’ve never regretted the work I’ve put into myself through these experiences.
You won’t either.
The freedom to express yourself is quite a journey in our lives, but that will also give you access to happiness. I’m talking genuine, Gary V style, authenticity. It’s not authenticity for authenticity’s sake. You know, just so that you can seem authentic. It’s real unadulterated honesty about who you are (and aren’t).
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
Summary of developing yourself into a better person for others
The sense that we need to develop ourselves into someone who is more than the “someone” we already are is universal.
Nearly, everyone wants to have more than they have. Everyone wants to be someone more than who they already are and everyone wants to do more than they currently do.
I believe this desire for expansion is hard wired in us by our DNA or our creator. Someone might say we have the mind of God. Someone might say that our DNA has developed into this over millennia and that is how we survive the best.
But whether you are an entrepreneur, worker, stay at home mom or unemployed, we all possess a mind that can be developed. We can all grow into an improved version of ourselves at it relates to others.
We can collectively turn ourselves into someone who is a better experience for others:
- someone more kind
- someone more caring
- someone who is authentic
- someone who is loyal
- someone who treats others as they wish to be treated
Many try to change for the wrong reasons. Many do so to please others. But the motives have to be right otherwise the changes won’t be lasting. Maybe you are an entrepreneur, and you have an idea of what an entrepreneur should be like so you emulate one you admire. There is no harm in this in general, but if your desire to be a business owner is to impress others, then, you are probably doing it for the wrong reasons.
Don’t work on yourself simply to appear better, do it because you want to experience a higher level of freedom, peace of mind, sense of belonging and contentment.
Thanks for spending all this time here with me. I really appreciate that you would take time out of your busy life to consider what I have put down on paper. I hope it has added value to you.
I hope that when you look at yourself in the mirror and notice where you’ve done wrong to others, hold yourself accountable for your actions.
I hope that you are real with yourself, and I hope that you can look yourself in the mirror and love who you see, not from the eyes of the ones who have criticized you, but from the eyes of someone who is molding you into the best version of yourself, and sees the potential of who you are turning into.
I wish you the best on your journey to self-discovery.