How to Be Confident When Everyone Hates You


It’s super tough to be confident in yourself when you feel like the whole world hates you. Feeling as though everyone is against you can put you in a position of loneliness and self-doubt.

I think we all have experienced this feeling at some point in our lives—whether we made a mistake, or we simply assume everyone views us in a negative light. I decided to research practical ways to be confident when everyone hates you.

So, how can you have confidence when everyone hates you? The best way to strengthen your confidence when it feels everyone is against you is to 1. Take a personal inventory of how others perceive you and clean up anything you have done to hurt others and 2. Focus on what you appreciate about yourself (even if it is only one thing.)

In a moment, we will talk about how this affects you when you are younger, but first let’s talk about adulthood.

As an adult when you find yourself in this situation, especially if you are in charge of leading others, you may need to remind yourself of your greater commitment.

For instance, if your commitment is to lead a healthy organization, then sometimes you may make tough calls that others don’t or won’t understand.

This happened to a friend of mine recently, Tom (name changed to protect his identity).

He is in charge of over 700 employees, and after being confronted by some individuals about the lack of integrity of some people in his organization, he sent a memo to the employees.

He was simply reminding them that they may not know when someone might be recording them or looking for a lack of integrity, and so everyone should be on their best behavior always.

The memo was leaked to the news, and the next thing he knew the news called him out publicly for being “demeaning.”

Rather than attempting to clear his name, he chose to keep the reason behind the memo strictly between the individuals who had caused the situation and himself.

He did not want them to be humiliated publicly.

When he learned of the news story, he said, “I called my parents and told them what was about to go down. All I cared about was that they knew the truth.”

He stood for something greater. The public only got half of the story, but as long as the ones closest to him knew, he was okay.

He focused on what his greater commitment was to center himself, even though it was a brutal experience and quite hard to be with.

Feeling like everyone hates you all of a sudden? (Why this happens)

Even though it might be uncomfortable, the first step to this problem is find out why you feel like everyone is against you.

The reason may be stemming from a variety of reasons. Most of them boil down to three major possibilities.

  • You’ve done something terrible that you feel guilty for
  • You’ve disappointed your friends and family
  • You’ve done something that others judge you for (whether accurate or inaccurate).
  • You aren’t receiving the love you feel you deserve
  • You are coping with anxiety or depression

It’s important to come to terms and understand with the reason behind your feelings, because it can have a huge impact on the course of action you may need to take to build you confidence back up.

I for one, have disappointed a friend before. What helped me build back my self-confidence involved deciding to appreciate myself regardless of the situation and even if I didn’t always live up to everyone’s expectations.

If you are in the wrong and have hurt someone, you may need to forgive yourself and go to work on mending the broken relationship(s).

Does everyone hate you?

Even though you might feel as though they do, the only way to start building back your confidence is realizing that not everyone hates you.

If you have taken inventory of how you have treated others and recognize that there are groups of people bullying you, you may need to pick up your anchor and move on.

There are lots of people out there.

The reason people bully others is often crazy and can have a lot to do with a perceived breach in social norms that you (for whatever reason) might have triggered.

I have a couple of interesting articles dedicated to bullying. One is an account of the things I’ve experienced growing up and the other, well, is also an account of things I’ve experienced but at work. I’ve learned a lot about rebuilding confidence and what to do and what not to do when bullied.

Writing this makes me realize just how much I have had to deal with.

How to deal with someone who hates you for no reason and how do I stop myself from disliking myself

If you find yourself the brunt of someone else’s jokes and disgust, it’s hard not to start disliking yourself. You may think, “What if they are right?”

Before your self-worth runs off without you, it’s important to know what drives self-worth and confidence in the first place.

So, what is confidence? Confidence is a state of mind where you believe in your qualities and abilities. More importantly, it’s what tells you that you have what it takes to handle a particular situation or environment.

Are you missing the confidence gene? Read more about that here.

A common misconception that I often hear is that confidence is the same thing as conceitedness. This contributes to a harmful dialogue that maybe we should feel guilty about boosting our self-confidence.

However, wanting to gain self-confidence is essential to living a fulfilling life. It’s something that everyone should strive to practice.

The following ideas can help you build your self-esteem and weather-proof you against your haters.

1: Write Down Things You Like About Yourself

In times that I struggle with my self-confidence, I find myself spending more time dwelling on my negative qualities than my positive ones. It’s a lot easier to find things we don’t like about ourselves or want to change, than things we are proud of.

If you think that everyone hates you, you may hate yourself as well. Shining a light on your good qualities can help you shift your focus, despite what anyone else may think.

A simple way to practice this is to take out a pen and paper and write.

Good areas to look are:

  • Your achievements and abilities
  • Your interests
  • Your physical attributes

All three of these areas are good places to start to find things within yourself that you appreciate.

Looking at your achievements is a great way to reflect on the good times you’ve experienced in your life and can give you something to be proud of.

If I ever feel as though many people hate me, or feel like I’ve disappointed someone, reminding myself of the things I’m good at is an effective way to make me feel adequate.

My tip on revamping your relationship with yourself.

Don’t forget to look even deeper.

Even simple things such as an accomplishment at your job, a skill that you’ve been able to master, or a milestone in your education can be something to be proud of.

I remember when I taught myself how to play the piano and after a month of practicing with trial and error, I was finally able to play the song I had been wanting to learn. That accomplishment shows that I was persistent.

So maybe instead of celebrating the accomplishment in its own right, celebrate the ability that got you there.

If you’ve ever had a hard class that you had to study hard for, and then later receive a good grade on that test, that’s something you can be proud of.

That exhibits the qualities of hard work.

Writing down your interests is another way you can discover things you like about yourself.

If you enjoy painting, write it down! This helps you attach yourself to something you consider to be positive.

Writing helps slow your mind down as well. I find it extremely therapeutic when my mind tends to replay the unwanted moments on repeat.

Lastly, you can go to your physical qualities to make up a portion of your list.

Maybe you have a great smile, healthy hair or pretty eyes. Perhaps you have a favorite shirt that you look great in. All are things that you should give yourself credit for.

The only con with listing physical attributes is that you don’t want to always rely on your view on your physicality to be positive. There are some days where I look in the mirror and am happy, and other days where I don’t like what I see.

Try to always branch out of what you look like when you search for good qualities about yourself.

Once you are done with your list, pin it on your bathroom mirror or anywhere else where you will regularly see it.

2: Using Words of Affirmation

Words hurt, and words can heal.

Chances are, whatever quarrel you are in with the people in your life, nasty words have been exchanged. Using words of affirmation can help you combat the negative impact words have had on you.

The simplest way to practice this method is to create three sentences of affirmation you repeat to yourself daily.

An example of this could be:

  • “I am smart”
  • “I am capable”
  • “I am confident”

By using “I am” statements, you can shift the narrative against you into whatever you want to be.

Maybe you feel incapable or worthless in the eyes of your peers. By telling yourself that you are capable can help reassert to yourself that those things you have been hearing are wrong.

This tactic is used famously used in sports. Athletes can use sentences such as “I am strong” or “I am a champion” to speak their dreams into existence.

You should say these words in front of a mirror and make eye contact with yourself as you say them. However, you can certainly say these things to yourself at any time and anywhere.

Psychologists agree that saying positive words out loud are much more effective than simply thinking them inside your head. By reinforcing these statements over and over, your brain will start to automatically think of them each time you look in the mirror.

Although this practice might seem uncomfortable, over time you may find that it is very rewarding. An even better way to practice this is to do it with a smile. When you associate these words with being happy they can also be a source of joy and positivity to boost your mood during the day.

3: Good Physical Hygiene and Nutrition Goes a Long Way

Having a routine for personal health is a great way to maintain and build confidence. To have strong mental health, you must first take care of your physical health.

Eating poor food or not eating enough in general can have a huge toll on you. You probably won’t have enough energy to get through the day and might feel sluggish.

In fact, research shows not getting enough nutrients in your food can have a direct impact on your happiness and ability to perform daily tasks. You won’t feel like being social or feel like getting out of the bed if you don’t give your body what it needs.

Doctors agree that what you put in your body can determine what you are able to achieve in a 24-hour period.

A good rule of thumb when it comes to nutrition is to drink about 64 ounces of water a day, which can vary based on your body mass and how active you are. Hydration can help you think more clearly, can clear your skin, help you rest and much more.

Additionally, the average person should eat around 2,000 to 2,500 calories a day. Make sure that you get enough protein, vitamin C and calcium in your meals. Of course, if you are exercising regularly, the number of calories you consume may need to increase.

If you have specific dietary concerns or questions, make sure to consult your primary care doctor or a nutritionist. Especially if you think of changing anything drastic to your current eating patterns, you should always make sure you are doing it correctly before starting your new plan.

Bad hygiene is another thing that can negatively affect your confidence. If you’ve ever been out in public on a hot day only to remember you forgot to put on deodorant, you know this feeling.

Making sure you take a shower each day, wash your face and brush your teeth might seem simple and obvious, but it makes a huge impact on your mental health and consequentially, your confidence.

Speaking of “Girl, wash your face.” I love what Rachel Hollis has to say on building confidence:

Do your hair every day, get dressed, and start each day as if you must be productive. It makes a big difference. Feeling like you have purpose can make your days feel more rewarding, rather than waking up each day with no intention to make the most of it.

4: Exercise Can Help You Feel Confident

Exercise might be something that you love, or it might be something that you absolutely despise. However, it’s a great way to build confidence.

It’s obvious that exercising has physical benefits, but what’s not talked about a lot is the mental health benefits it also can bring.

You might be thinking that this means you can’t be confident without achieving a certain level of “fitness”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Regular exercise releases endorphins, which is a chemical in your body that elevates your mood. This happens whether you a new to exercise or not.

Exercise has been proven to impact depression, stress levels and even ADHD.

A lot of people exercise because it gives people a sense of well being and a boost of energy.

Exercising regularly can also help you sleep better night, improve your short term and long-term memory and boost your metabolism.

A study done at Harvard’s School of Public Health found these conclusions about the impact of exercise on mental health:

  • Running for just 15 minutes a day can decrease your risk of developing major depressive disorders by 25%.
  • Exercise relieves tension and alleviates stress
  • Exercise can positively aid the symptoms of ADHD
  • Your nervous system can be aided through exercise when your body shows symptoms connected to PTSD and other negative results of trauma

Of course, exercise isn’t the key to solving mental health crises, but it’s a good way to take a small load off you.

What I think is most important is that exercise helps you develop resilience.

When your confidence is low, you can gain skills to deal with the negativity around you, starting with your will to push yourself physically in a workout.

If you’re new to exercising, there’s no need to fret! Maybe working out seems intimidating, but there’s a starting place for everyone.

Start with 5-10 minutes of exercising a day. Go on a walk around your neighborhood and try running for 30 seconds at a time. No matter what, always remember its okay to go at your own pace and to take breaks when you need to. After all, exercise is meant to boost your confidence!

Before starting anything strenuous, remember to talk to your doctor to make sure you don’t bite off more than you can chew.

5: Find Leisurely Activities You Enjoy

Whenever I feel sad I paint. I have a stack of mini canvasses in my room that I bought and bring out whenever I need to de-stress and take my mind off things. If you feel overwhelmed by people at the moment, finding a solo activity you enjoy is a great way to spend your down time.

Recreational activities help you shift your focus away from the problems you have with the people in your life. Leisure is beneficial in helping you find balance in your life and helps you gain a sense of control.

Leisurely activities can increase your quality of life and self-esteem. When we participate in things we like to do, we typically have a better view on ourselves.

If you have a busy lifestyle, you might be realizing that you almost never take time for leisure. Society has taught us that if it’s not “productive” it’s worthless. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Engaging in leisurely activities helps you relax throughout your day. It can even be a form of meditation and chance to introspect.

The great thing about leisurely activities is that there is something for everyone.

If you like to do artistic activities, consider painting as I do, or drawing or singing. These can be done solo, if there is no one for you to comfortably do them with. Another great thing is that these can be done at any time of day.

There’s even coloring books that help you stay calm. After all, the first step in self-confidence is spending positive time with yourself.

Maybe artistic activities aren’t your thing. Alternatives could be gardening, hiking, journaling or even just talking a walk. Anything that you enjoy that calms you down can be a leisure activity!

The importance of doing things you enjoy cannot be stressed enough when it comes to building self-confidence. These activities elevate your mood and give you a sense of fun, which are all the building blocks to a confident mentality.

Some great leisure activities to help jump start your diminishing self-esteem:

  • Painting a picture
  • Writing in a journal
  • Going on a walk or a hike
  • Planting a garden
  • Singing
  • Baking
  • Learning a new skill
  • Bonus (you don’t have to do them with other people!)

6: Run Down This Mindset Checklist

This doesn’t mean doubt yourself. However, many times we should question why we are so critical of ourselves.

I remember when I was training for my first Crossfit competition. The training was super tough and many times I found myself often criticizing myself for the progress I was making in my goals. If I didn’t hit a certain number during training, I thought of myself as a failure.

This mentality was super detrimental to not only my self-esteem but also to my training as a whole. I found myself always trying to attain perfection and forgot why I wanted to do it in the first place!

The same goes when we are too critical of ourselves for anything.

Perhaps you are always telling yourself that people don’t like you because you talk too much. If you tell yourself this enough, over time talking in public will become a stressful task. You might not be able to enjoy a conversation with someone without constantly fearing that they see you as annoying or overly talkative.

Perhaps you are always telling yourself that you have a boring personality. If you tell yourself this enough, over time you will assume each person you meet in the future will view you as boring and uninteresting. You might not be able to meet new people or trust people.

You should always question why you criticize yourself the way you do. Has anyone actually told you that you are too talkative? Has anyone actually told you that you have a boring personality? Chances are, these criticisms stem from within.

A weird way to question these things is to go about it the same way you would find things that you like about yourself. Write down everything that you think you don’t like about yourself.

Now, question every single criticism. Why do you feel this way? You might find that many of these things stem from you being too harsh on yourself. If you are critical about yourself for not being “pretty enough”, you might realize that the only reason you feel that way is that you compare yourself to Instagram models that photoshop their pictures.

7: Learn How to Act Around Someone Who Doesn’t Like You (even if they live with you)

Now, this might be the most uncomfortable concept when it comes to building your self-confidence. But after all, if everyone does hate you, it might be smart to try to address why.

A good starting place for this is to start out a pen and paper. Make a list of all the people you think hate you or don’t love you in the way you would expect them to.

Now, next to each name, write down the reason you think they are the way they are.

For example, if you think your best friend hates you, write their name down and write why they hate you right next to their name.

If you have a concrete example, such as you got in a big argument with someone and now aren’t on speaking terms, it might be easier to figure out why there is so much tension between you two.

However, if you can’t seem to find a solid reason why you think this person hates you, it might be worth exploring. Chances are, the story is different in real life than it is in your head.

If it’s a relationship that’s important to you, brainstorm ways on how to talk to that person to see if they do in fact have something against you. This way you can at least prepare to have a conversation with them. This helps you keep control of the situation.

It’s better to find out the truth than to drive yourself crazy trying to assume how everyone feels about you. Not only is this detrimental to your self-confidence, but it can also destroy relationship that seemed find to the person at the time.

Perhaps the person does hate you, and it might hurt a lot! It’s okay to feel sad and wonder why. Especially if there doesn’t seem to be a good reason.

One thing that you can do is refer to your self-reflecting tips mentioned previously in this article. Write down positive things about yourself, refer to your chosen words of affirmation. Who you are should never depend on how others see you.

Related Questions:

The topic of confidence can branch out to dozens of other questions. The reality is, building back your confidence is important in any time of your life where you feel invaluable or are experiencing tension with your peers or surroundings.

What is the difference between confidence and an unhealthy ego?

You may have been taught that practicing self-care and confidence is a bad thing. Many people have the perception that being confident in yourself means that you have to see yourself as superior to others. The truth is, confidence has always been about believing in yourself and has never been about viewing others in a negative light.

Although humility is a great virtue, if you are having trouble maintaining your confidence, you should first focus on building a positive mentality.

The reason you won’t get along with everyone
In a perfect society, everyone would get along and be friends with each other. Even though that would be ideal, the reality is that not everyone “clicks” together.

There are many people in my life that I just don’t mesh well with. It’s not that I dislike them or that they dislike me, it’s simply that we are compatible with certain types of people.

The same goes for your close friends. You can only invest and deeply get to know a select number of people. Life only allows you to develop a certain number of intimately close relationships.

This is a lesson that everyone must learn. As a child, I was convinced that everyone had to be my friend. Why wouldn’t they want to be? As you grow older, you start to realize that the quality of your friendships is far more important the quantity of them.

Why shouldn’t you base your level of confidence in material things?

This might be the most important part of building your confidence the right way. Your confidence should never be rooted in your material possessions. Confidence is believing in yourself not your belongings.

Although going shopping might give you a boost of happiness or dressing a certain way giving you a boost of self-esteem, it shouldn’t be confused with having a deep-found respect and love for yourself and your internal qualities.

Kat Clukey

I am so glad you are here, and have chosen to spend your time reading my blog. For the past 4 plus years, I have been on an intense mission to read books, go to seminars, and generally turn myself inside out to find out why some people seem to feel good in their own skin while I've struggled with self-worth and low self-esteem most of my adult life. I hope you find insights that help you on your journey!

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