I have never loved being in big crowds, or been the social type who loves being in a room full of people.
That kind of thing always felt like a lot of work for me.
Although in general, I wouldn’t hesitate to talk to anyone. The ‘relentless pursuer personality type’ always felt kind of primitive to me.
But, I’ve always had amazing girlfriends.
From Gin the “should have been Hawaiian Tropic Sports Illustrated Model” to Eve who looked like a Scandinavian princess with long, thick, flowing blonde curls and glowing green eyes, somehow we hit it off even though I could be (and can be) socially awkward.
While attraction is complex, in cases of meeting and dating, and “pairing,,” for lack of a better word, shy guys are at a disadvantage, unless they apply what they read this article.
Let’s face it. Shyness can keep you from being considered. You can’t win the race if you haven’t entered. But there are definitely ways around this.
Let’s hop on a bus and take a tour of what you need to know about being a shy guy.
First Stop: Biology 101 – what’s going on during the attraction, pairing process from a biological perspective on best catches
Do girls like quiet guys? As a general rule, yes, if the shyness is rooted in authenticity.
The mystery that comes with being shy is often considered wildly attractive.
If a guy is quiet but solid, it can be considered a biological sign that he is not a high quality male as attraction is predominantly governed by our biology.
But being quiet and smart about it can also put the odds in your favor. Maybe you are a good listener, which women can find quite appealing.
It turns out that heterosexual men and heterosexual women have similar perspectives. Here is an article on other signs she is into you.
Think about it for a moment. Ask your average heterosexual male whether he is attracted to shy girls or shy women, he’d probably say yes if she had other characteristics that are important to him.
It wouldn’t matter whether he is a confident guy, alpha male type, life of the party guy, mysterious guy or “good guy / best friend” type.
Attraction varies immensely.
However, quiet/shy guys need to take a good long look at themselves in the mirror before they can find out what it is that’s making them shy and then work on owning it or getting rid of it.
If you want to attract girls, you have to be true to yourself. The hardest and worst part for any guy is learning how to connect to their own true authenticity. You need to figure out what is making you shy.
Is it authentically you, or are you just scared of rejection?
In this article, we are going to look at 2 things. First, we will look at what research says about women and how they feel about shy guys aka nice guys.
We will talk about what is really going on for shy guys, so you can uncover what’s going on for you there, and discuss how to move from shy to authentic, which is even more attractive.
We will also look at what you can do about it if you belong to the group of shy people, who typically feel self-conscious, wrestle with self-esteem and need lots of personal space.
The hardest part for any guy is finding true authenticity.
Did you know: All guys have a superpower that they haven’t discovered. It took quite a bit of digging to uncover it myself. But when I listened to a woman describe it, it clicked. It was like, ah, I see it now.
It’s been there all along (but because I’m a guy, I can’t see it).
The best parts are:
1. Most likely you are completely unaware of what it is and…
2. Once you discover it, you’ll be able to wield it like a superpower.
It’ll take some courage, but it’s actually pretty easy once you understand it.
You will be on your way to locking up that dinner date, embarking on romantic relationships you’ve been missing out on.
But first, let’s talk about what attractive women see when they look at you. It’s important you see clearly what is going on when a woman sees you the first time so that you can better use this to your advantage.
Quick note: This article was originally produced on confidence reboot. If you see it somewhere else, it’s been reproduced.
Make a good impression. You’ll need to pay attention to your posture. Avoid contractive positions.
Think James Bond.
What Does Research Say About How Women Feel About the Quiet Guy, the Introverted Guy, and the Shy Guy?
Are quiet guys attractive? As a general rule, quiet or loud are not the deciding factors in whether girls find a guy attractive. Whether a girl likes that will depend greatly on what personality type the girl has and what personality deficits they have as we often look for personality traits in others to complement our own.
The Shy, Not So Quiet, Quiet Guy
Here’s the scenario in the dating game, and while it may not necessarily reflect every situation, I think you will get the gist. It’s just an example to consider what a shy guy like you might do.
Let’s say you are sitting quietly by yourself at a social gathering. Your eyes meet at the same time as a girls’ eyes.
She gently smiles. (If you want to see what eye contact means, read here.)
What’s the girl thinking?
Let’s jump over to biology for a second.
If you spend any time watching the discovery channel and seeing how it works in the animal kingdom when it comes to laws of attraction, you’ll notice one unmistakable quality of female to male attraction.
The male’s goal is to convince the female they are among the best men have vitality, good health, and proper testosterone levels and low cortisol levels (worth mating with).
If he can demonstrate he has the qualities she likes, she will be keen on spending some time with him.
If during this demonstration, another male approaches and “outdoes” the current prospect, she will choose to pair with the stronger, higher quality male. In that environment, a male has no benefit at remaining shy.
Likewise, a girl will size shy guys up pretty quickly.
If you are shy, you leave her no choice. Either she’ll think you are a guy overwhelmed with social anxiety or she wonders if you are the quiet, mysterious type. If she assumes the first, you’re out.
If her mind isn’t made up, immediately she begins assessing whether you feel comfortable in your own skin.
She wants to know if you are a confident man. Here is a list of advantages of developing confidence brings.
Maybe she thinks you’re cute and wants to get your attention?
She might think that you are shy but brave enough to make eye contact with her in hopes of striking up a conversation.
Like it or not, the intro is made.
What are you going to do about it at that point?
Are you going get out of your comfort zone, strike up a conversation and give her the sense you are attracted to her even though you are typically shy? Or is this girl going to get away? What if she is the right girl for you?
You will have to stop thinking that girls won’t like you or won’t think you are cool.
You can’t forget that girls aren’t perfect. They have plenty of insecurities themselves.
Girls usually aren’t all that interested in having to help you grow your confidence.
Girls like shy guys who are self-sufficient, interested in them and their needs.
If you are too self-focused to listen to them, then, in the long run, they know that dating you won’t work out.
If you look at James Bond, he was the quiet type.
But, there was clearly no lack in confidence.
The dating game can be tough and understanding what girls like can help you make dating a little easier, but beware that if you are doing it just so she will “think” you have what it takes, you aren’t being honest.
You have to remember that all she has to go on are your actions or lack of actions.
Look closely at your behavior. It’ll tell you more accurately what you must believe about yourself otherwise you wouldn’t be doing them. This is a great indicator of self-worth and what level of self-confidence you operate at.
If you can’t see it, ask your friends. Your friends can point out what your most common behavior is.
You can work backward and see what your belief patterns are. If you want to find a woman in your life that you are attracted to, a girl who gets you, first you will need to become self-aware.
You can also take out a sheet of paper and simply write woman or women are.
Pay attention to what words come to mind. Take an interest in your own psychology.
Look at how you did things a few years ago, and how you are doing things today. Notice the similarities and differences.
If you find women scary for instance, well then you will see that your shyness is actually rooted in that belief. You won’t be equipped to be authentic in those situations.
Most people often assume that they have their stuff worked out. They have a hard time telling what the real difference is between themselves and their peers.
No More Mr. Shy Guy – Can a shy guy have any luck with girls?
Can Quiet Guys Get Girlfriends? Yes, there are many factors that contribute to being attractive. It will require that you follow your heart, your instinct, and not your fear.
Most likely you are going to need to shed your shy guy mantle temporarily so that the girl that has caught your attention can see your value.
Girls like a mysterious man as much as those proverbial bad boys. Great listeners are quite attractive.
If your instinct is to talk to her, then, go talk to her.
If you don’t know what your instinct is, just check in with yourself. Do you have the desire?
Here’s the reality. If you have the desire to play basketball, eventually you are going to have to get on the court. It’s going to be you and the goal and the ball. Are you going to take your shot?
I remember this (for me) extremely attractive girl I had a college class with.
I spoke to her a few times, but never really tried to talk to her. I honestly think she liked me, but because I didn’t want to put myself out there and risk rejection, I never really tried to get to know her.
She is the one I think of when I look back and ask myself. What do I regret?
That whole semester I sat there and did nothing. I find sometimes it’s helpful to remember that you may never get this shot again. Ask yourself if you will regret not talking to her.
The Reality is one day it will be too late. One day, this life will be over. So what does it matter? What do you have to lose from that perspective?
Your pride? Don’t let severe social anxiety stop you.
Besides, introverted guys have a superpower. (You can read about how to stop being introverted here).
What Shy Guys and Introverted Men Need to Know About Attractive People– Stop the Struggle
First let’s answer the main question:
Are introverted guys attractive? Yes, as a general rule, being an introverted man can be quite attractive especially when accompanied by intelligence, attractiveness, and other desirable traits.
Being introverted vs. extroverted are by themselves not deal-breakers on the attraction scale.
But if you are introverted and unwilling to take risks, it can be detrimental.
What shy guys should know about what a beautiful woman really wants and what she might find ideally attractive.
A lot of women love a real man acting manly. I’m not talking about being macho and over-the-top masculine.
I’m talking about being authentic, taking risks, speaking your mind, and being true to yourself.
Authenticity is one of those interesting things that quiet people can kind of miss.
The reason for this is because it is a bit like a muscle, and if you are more on the introverted side, used to keeping social situations at the same level all the time, you may not have exercised social skills that require putting yourself out there.
This is especially true if you move around in limited social circles.
Exactly what does authenticity require?
Authenticity requires vulnerability. However, when executed well, it’ll do a great deal of making you super attractive.
If you embrace being truly authentic, it works like a superpower.
Here’s a fresh perspective:
Girls like shy guys who are authentic. Girls like shy guys who aren’t afraid to get out and play the game of life. Shy guys need to let her know that when it comes down to it, you are confident enough to pursue her. Be careful no matter what to use good body language (stand up straight, shoulders back).
The quality of your authenticity can’t be faked, however. If you want to be someone others find attractive, you are going to have to keep an eye on why you are doing something in any given circumstance.
The moment you “try” to be authentic for authenticity’s sake, you are no longer authentic. Being authentic will take practice and a lot of self-acceptance.
As you accept yourself the way you are and work towards refining the things that don’t serve you well, not only will you discover a much higher degree of freedom in life, you will notice that people will find you more interesting.
Even if they don’t, it won’t make or break you.