If you are looking to stop being an introvert and learn how to become extroverted, you are in the right place. I happen to know how to be an extrovert, although I classify myself as an introvert.
Attention my fellow introverts:
The next time you slink into a social gathering or networking event and meet people for the first time, introduce yourself as follows:
Shake their hand, look them straight in the eye, and say, Hi, “I am introvert man (or woman). I’m practically a superhero.” For you ladies out there, you might find this article on how to be the most confident woman in the room beneficial.
Maybe you’ll get a laugh. Maybe they’ll think you are crazy. But in this statement is actually how I learned to be an extrovert.
Before you go searching for another article on how to stop introvert tendencies, I WANT TO MAKE YOU A PROMISE.
By the end of this article YOU WILL achieve the following:
- You will understand exactly what is holding you, HOSTAGE, as an introvert.
- You will know what keeps you in your shell and what causes someone to be an introvert.
- You will understand the difference between personality type and being introverted/extroverted.
- You will have a hack to expand your comfort zones and stop being so introverted.
- You will know when being an introvert is bad.
Back to the example.
On the surface, it looks silly, and I actually don’t recommend using these words exactly, but you could use a variation based on how you are feeling.
If you can remember the ridiculousness of that statement, you can hack your way to learning how to become an extrovert.
Table of Contents
What Are True Introverts, Anyways?
Many people don’t know that shyness doesn’t have anything to do with being an introvert. So you may need to stop describing yourself as such.
- The best way to look at introverts vs. extroverts is to look at what people do when they are alone, tired, or need to recharge.
- Stop labeling people as introverts or extroverts based on how out-going and friendly they are (as if one is better than the other) and start thinking of it as android or apple. Both can function much the same way. The only difference is how they plugin to recharge.
- Introverts recharge by spending time alone (for instance by being in nature), whereas, extroverts recharge by being around groups. They recharge through external sources of stimulation.
- No one is exempt and no one can avoid having to recharge somehow. Which one are you?
So if you find yourself craving time alone, you’re probably a true introvert. However, if you crave time with people and even large groups of people to recharge, you are an extrovert. One way to find out is see how you feel during and after a gym class or activity that involves a lot of people. Are you the one in the corner by him/herself? Are you the one who mingles?
How do I stop being so introverted:
How can you stop being an introvert? The best way to stop being an introvert is by 1. Get honest with yourself about how you are feeling in a situation, and 2. Be honest with others about not feeling comfortable.
The reason you feel introverted is that when it comes to social skills, you feel like you don’t know what introverts should say so they don’t appear as introverts.
Therein lies the problem. Too many people, too many introverts think that being an introvert is bad. They spend their time living in their heads.
What do I mean by that?
They aren’t present with people. They aren’t present with themselves.
You are too busy in your own head thinking. Stuck, trapped in your thoughts. Being alone is a great place for introspection, but when you are with others, remain in the conversation. Just continue talking to someone and stop worrying about your lack of self-esteem or your feeling uncomfortable.
Introverts Here’s What to Look Out For
When you walk into a room with too many people, the record starts playing in your head…
- Do I belong here?
- Will they think I’m lame?
- How do I make sure not to embarrass myself?
- I wish I were more extroverted and knew how to feel comfortable here.
You may not be aware of all of these thoughts, but as long as your brain is processing all of these questions, you won’t be able to simply “be” with others.
When you understand that all of this is normal, that the questions and concerns are just thoughts. Once you begin to separate yourself from all of the noise and chatter in your own head about the gaps in your personality, you can be present with people.
All people really want from you is your presence. They are more interested in getting heard.
You are an experience for them. So, if you make the conversation about them, they will love you.
For a moment, stop reminding yourself how introverted you are, and take a real assessment ask yourself is.
- What is driving me to be introverted?
- Or better yet, ask yourself why you feel shy.
- Why are you the one who is terrified of speaking with others?
- Why are you the one who insists on letting others talk; the one who can’t wait to leave new people when you are forced to interact.
- Who told me frequently I am an introvert?
If you are gentle and tend to avoid confrontation, are scared people will hurt you, then you may be more of a people-pleaser than an introvert. New people aren’t opportunities to get to know someone. They are opportunities for you to come off a certain way, to perform.
Managing Your Introverted Self-Talk
If you are going to stop being introverted you are going need to work on your introverted self-talk.
Being extroverted vs. introverted doesn’t have to take you out of the game.
3 Practical Steps to Hack Your Tendency to Be Introverted, Shy, and Socially Uneasy
The easiest way to stop going into your shell, disappearing into your self-conscious thoughts is to say what is on your mind.
Here is how it works.
- Notice Your Thoughts. -When you meet someone for the first time or are in a group of people, notice what thoughts are coming up. Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t belong here.” or “This place is so awkward.” or “Are they just being friendly?” or maybe you are worried that they will judge you.
- Say it Out Loud. -As you introduce yourself, say, “Hi, my name is Paul. I don’t know why, but this place makes me feel awkward.” or “Hi, sorry I tend to be quite shy.” or “Hi, I am out of my comfort zone and kind of feel like I don’t belong. Don’t take it personally.”
- Make it About Them. You will find once you say out loud how you are feeling, it gets moved out of the way and you can finally pay attention to the person you’re meeting instead of focusing on how you are feeling about meeting them.
I had this happen to me recently when I met up with someone I had an opportunity for. I was afraid that if I came off too much like a salesman, I’d turn them off, and I knew what I was going to tell them could really help them.
So, I said, “Want to hear something funny? I am actually trying to tell myself not to come off like a salesman because I really want you to consider unbiased what I’m about to share with you. I don’t want you to discount it if I come off that way.”
We both had a laugh and it cleared the path of communication instantly. He ended up going with my idea, and I am happy to report felt it had been indeed worth his time.
That’s the hack.
- Be honest with yourself
- Be honest with others
- Say what is on your mind
It’s scary. It feels risky, but you will be much happier, and you can share that on social media!