Confidence – Page 8 – Confidence Reboot

In this article, I am going to make my best attempt to describe the qualities of confident people. We will look at what the key attributes are present, and which attributes clearly are not. You might be surprised to learn that it isn't what we all think of when we describe a confident person. How to describe a confident person: A confident person can be most easily described as possessing a quiet certainty. They are optimistic, self-reliant, resilient, and comfortable in their environment. They often have the following qualities: Self Belief, Assertiveness, Optimism, Poise, Posture, Deliberate Speech, and Congruence. "Everyone wants to make more money. You want to make more money. How do I know? If you made more, you wouldn't be wearing those trousers." said Shark Tank's Barbara Corcoran sharply. After hearing that comment, Boom! right there in the middle of the space that divides our kitchen and living room, my husband and I found ourselves churning through how important it was to dress for success and confidence. But it has to be more than just the clothes we wear. So what is it? We went through our list of friends and business associates. We rattled off who dressed well and what their confidence levels looked like. One by one, somehow clothes (by themselves) didn't seem to matter all that much. Then, my husband said, "Peter." I said, "Yeah, he doesn't count. He's, uh, he's..." My husband responded, "In a league of his own, right." I said, "Yeah. A league of his own." But what really makes him different? I knew I needed to do some research on how to describe a confident person and see if I could draw a connection between why Peter was so powerfully confident. It wasn't just any type of confidence. It is a true confidence that radiates sovereignty. Here is what I found in my research. A confident person possesses a "quiet certainty." It radiates beyond them. But even with this description, it barely brushes the surface of what Peter is like. Why should we examine Peter? When he sold his company, it was worth millions. What was his claim to fame? He invented a "world's first medical" device that is a staple used in surgery to this day. What the mouse did for the computer, he did for surgery. What's Peter like? He is quiet, magnetic and one of the most confident characters I have ever experienced in all my years of nursing and facilitating personal growth programs. Example Of A Confident Person My husband has always marveled at how Peter does life. He is alpha, but not because he tries to be. He just is. Peter could wear anything, and you would still just know that there was something about him. There is a quiet dominance. When I did research on what the internet has to tell us about what the key traits self-confident people have, it returned some of the following. What Are The Qualities Of A Self-Confident Person? Here are some adjectives to describe self-assured people. The characteristics of confident people include: Self Belief Assertiveness Optimism Positive attitude Poise Take initiative Solid eye contact They are firm Good appearance Open body language Modest Active listening Speak with a deliberate tone Responsible Own their mistakes Stand up for others Do what is right Not arrogant Not condescending These attributes are great and spot-on, but not necessarily for the reasons we think. The unmistakable quality that is present in confident people is that they communicate a deep sense of "knowing," a solidness and congruence in their ability to be with others. Confidence is much like a submarine under water. It's smooth. It pushes forward on a deliberate path. No matter how turbulent the seas are above, the sub is undisturbed. That's the sense that I get around Peter. It's a sovereign, unshakeable(ness). So the traits above really describe someone who is confident, but not because they are trying to exemplify those traits and behaviors, but rather because their foundations are solid. They seem to operate on another level. When we define confidence, we mean they are made confident by their inner-world - their own ability and sense of control. Have you ever thought someone was confident only to discover that it was all for show? The first sign of a difficult situation and these types of people are running for cover. That's not what we are talking about here. Confident person definition - Digging Deeper into the definition of confident people. On to a bigger question: Can you have sovereign confidence? What do you think is at play to have others describe your level of confidence this way? One of the things that I have seen in self-confident individuals who aren't "faking it" is an awareness that isn't present in many. What do I mean by awareness? I mean, they are able to see other people's agendas. Agendas that are trying to exploit an opportunity. They see what motivates people and are often aware of it more than the individual displaying it. If you talk to someone with a high level of awareness, they might tell you that they are aware of what others might do because they first became aware of what they do themselves. I believe it is true, the more you know yourself, the more you will know others. Socrates thought it foolish to try to grasp life's complexities without first knowing your inner self. Know Thyself... Socrates Yet, it is easy to go to work on everything else rather than spending the time to become aware of your own agendas. For instance, why do you really want more self confidence? Is Confidence Overrated or Underrated - What do you think? Find out here. I have done a lot of things to be liked and for recognition. It used to be disgusting to me that this had become a critical motivator that runs the show for me. But finally, I have the freedom to own it. It is just what I do. So what! Now what? You might discover some less than stellar things about what drives you too. Own it, love it. It will do more for your personal sense of freedom and self-confidence than reading 10 books on the subject. Here we are talking about heart-knowledge, not head-knowledge. Peter owns who he is. He is comfortable in his own skin. He casts the presence that there is nothing to prove. He doesn't need anyone's approval. His approval comes from somewhere else. It resides internally. It doesn't need the accolades and praises of the outside world. It's not an external experience. If you are having trouble discerning the quirks in your own personality or developing a resolute and confident personality, I find it helpful to ask yourself, "What kind of person would have to do x (fill in the blank) to feel better about themselves or get what they want.?" Which books can help with self confidence? I wrote about them here. What Are The Signs Of Confidence In A Woman? We talked a lot about a man who displays extraordinary confidence. I call him Alpha. But is there such a thing as an alpha female? Heck yeah. You wanna see one? Look up Barbara Corcoran. Better yet, watch this short video on "How to ask for a Raise." Watch how she presents herself. Look at the aspects of her personality that I brought up above. I wrote a whole article on how to become an Alpha Female (in self-confidence). Did you know that even a woman's "confident" walk is important? Life gets to be so much fun when you know the secrets to how to own a room that you walk into. See my article on the hacks for women and self-confidence here. Confident Personality Meaning - Not easily rattled, secure and resolute. Remember the characteristics of confidence are: Poise Eye Contact Ability to be firm Focused on the greater good Not afraid to stand up for others Clear Certainty Barabara demonstrates them. When I think of a female alpha, I think of a center manager I answered to for years. Her name is Carol. She has the ability to be loving, firm, understanding and brutal. One thing that stands out about Carol is the ever-present willingness to be okay with others not liking her as long as it is for the sake of the greater good. We see above that individuals who possess strong personality traits of confidence have a sense of purpose and a clear idea of the big picture when it comes to making things work. How Can You Be Someone With A Lot Of Confidence? If you want to be someone with a lot of confidence in all areas of your life, you are going to have to start operating on another level. What has gotten you this far isn't necessarily going to get you to the next level. You wouldn't be here reading this. I wouldn't be here researching it if there weren't something to discover about a new way of "living and acting" that would display a stronger level of confident behavior. Years ago, I was visiting a foreign country, got lost, and stopped to ask how to get where I needed to go. I was unfamiliar with the dialect the people were speaking. With my rusty skills, I asked how to get to the right place, and they told me exactly where to go. But, I couldn't understand them. They referenced areas that meant nothing to me. They used words I didn't understand. The only thing I understood were the words, "right" and "left." I finally gave up. Acting as if I had understood them, I thanked them and left. This is a life lesson to consider when making an attempt to improve self-confidence. Even if someone (like Peter) does a great job of breaking it down for us, we might not understand what we would need to do to really improve our confidence. You know what I did? I asked Peter what the key to confidence is. What a great way to figure it out, right? He said one word. Sovereignty. It seemed cryptic to me. He told me that he couldn't explain it in much detail. The only way he could explain it was to say, "You need to be a little selfish (in a good way)." and he told me it takes a really long time. Yep, right back in the woods of a foreign country asking directions from the locals that made no sense. But I've kept digging so I can give you some insight as to where to start looking to improve your self-confidence. The first step in your current situation is learning to be okay with yourself. Practice sitting and being okay with however you are and however, you are not. Ask the question, what would it take to really love me? Don't worry about the answer, just see where your own thoughts go next. It's a clue to understanding what is at the core of your mind when it comes to finding a positive view of yourself. An Explanation of Gaining Confidence: If you are looking to be someone who is confident, you have taken the first step. By reading how I describe a confident person, you may notice that someone in your life has similar confident characteristics. Model someone else’s positive character traits until they become your own. That person is explaining how to be confident through their actions. That someone who exudes the type of confidence that you want to have can be your mentor. Emulate their confidence until that same confidence becomes your own. While it may seem that others are born with a high level of confidence, much of it can be learned. If you need to regain confidence, here is another article I wrote on how to regain your confidence. How To Describe A Cocky Person A cocky person is someone who is overly confident and braggingly self-assured. The best way I can describe it is to think of Gaston from Disney's Belle (Beauty and the Beast). Read more about the difference between cocky and confident here. They think highly of themselves and are often quick to boast about their accomplishments. Cocky people can be difficult to be around, as they can come across as having an arrogant character or being insensitive. However, there is a certain charm to cockiness, and many people find it attractive. If you know someone who is cocky, you may want to try to get to know them better. They may be compensating for their insecurities. They may just need a little bit of encouragement to dial back their bravado and confidence a bit. How To Describe Confidence In Writing: To the Point Not Wasteful in Movement or Gestures Deliberate Focused and Appearing in Control No Fluff Specific If you are an author who wants to present a confident character in the story, you will want to integrate these behaviors into their persona. Final Thoughts To sum up, confidence is something most of us struggle with at one time or another. However, when we tap into our inner strength and focus on the positive aspects that come from taking courage in our own two hands, such as having a better relationship with ourselves and increased self-esteem, we can often push aside negative thoughts and rise to our full potential. That person oozing with confidence (like Peter) has taken the time to really understand themselves and knows the importance of having faith in their abilities. This has a powerful influence on building high self-esteem. Confident people go after what they want without overthinking the outcome and are unafraid to take risks. Confidence may come naturally or it may take some work to cultivate, but either way, knowing you can stand firmly in who you are is a worthwhile pursuit. Making smart decisions will always give you an edge above the rest and a confident person is well aware of that. Home